Violet Jane: Birth through Four Weeks.

Note: The actual date of this post should say Tuesday, September 29, 2010.

Warning: Long Post Ahead!

I have been putting off blogging for quite awhile now. There has been so much new territory and I didn't know how to even begin putting it all into words. Oh my goodness. Has it really been 4 weeks since I gave birth? In some ways I can't believe it has already been a month, and in other ways it feels like years have passed! It has been a time full of emotion, uncertainty and near insanity, though I can say as of the past fewdays things have finally begun to calm and I have gotten to know and finally enjoy my daughter.

Daughter?! It still feels so foreign to say that. Being parents has definitely felt so right for Adam and I while still being a concept we have had to grow into. So many times we would just look at her and say, "is this real?!". My favorite is when Adam will say, "I just can't imagine life without her!". This has turned our relationship upside down in so many wonderful ways. We have seen each other at our most vulnerable and it has been such a beautiful experience. I can already see how God has used Violet to make us better people, despite the many agonizing and tear-filled moments along the way. People say to me, "Isn't mommyhood the best?!", and I have to behonest and respond,"Well, not currently, but we are getting there!". Every time I see her beautiful smile and hear her coo (and most recently make little laughing sounds) it redeems everything. I have been meaning to blog my birth story and have decided to give the slightly abridged version...

After reaching the point of being two weeks "overdue", I was scheduled to be induced on August 30, 2010. Adam, my Mom, and I arrived at the hospital around 8am and the induction began at 9:15am with me already being 2cm dilated. They began induction withthe Foley catheter balloon and cytotech inserted internally. By 3pm I had reached 5cm and was very encouraged by the progress! We felt I was handling the contractions well, staying on top of my breathing and focusing.

Two hours later they checked me again and I was at 6.5cm and they decided to let me wait it out a bit longer to see how much more I could progress. By 7pm I had still not dilated any further and they broke my water. O-U-C-H. The contractions then became R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S. I became very nauseous and they gave me medication to help with that. I then tried water therapy but it did not help at all and by that point I had lost my mental focus and the pain was overtaking me. The only thing that helped was Adam squeezing my hip bones and I made him do that with the contractions coming every minute and a half. He is a strong guy but after several hours of that, he was wearing out! At this point I was sobbing with every contraction while remaining determined to breathe through every one. At this point I remember telling people "I might get an epidural! I just want everyone to know I might not be able to do this!" After getting out of the tub, I decided that I wanted to be checked for dilation and if I had progressed, I wanted to stick it out, but if not, I was getting that epidural! I couldn't imagine going much longer in that much pain. At this point I was offered Stadol to "take the edge off." Had I been in my right state of mind I would have refused it, but by this point, Adam and I were completely out of it and couldn't remember anything we had learned in Lamaze about medical interventions. I chose to get it, thinking anything was better than having a full on epidural. Bad decision. Stadol just made me drunk and basically fall asleep between contractions. No edge was taken off. Around 9pm I had them check me because things were feeling a lot more intense and I was feeling a lot of pressure down low. I was still between a 6.5 and 7. At that point (much to Adam's relief!) I asked for the epidural. Long story short, the anesthesiologist didn't make it into the room until almost 10:15. I spent another hour and a half in agonizing pain during each contraction. My epidural was administered between off the charts contractions and finally I thought I would get some relief. Unfortunately, the epidural didn't take effect for 40 more minutes as I was laying on the bed, numb up to my hips, breathing through slamming contractions. Everyone knows your back is the most uncomfortable position for labor. At this point, Violet had also turned posterior so they tell me. Ouch. Finally, the relief came! My midwife checked me and I was at 10cm!

Apparently, all my body needed this whole time was for me to RELAX, go figure. She let me relax for 30 minutes and around 11:15 I started pushing with each contraction. TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER, Violet Jane was born at 1:44am on August 31.

Rewind. As her head emerged, the cord was wrapped so tightly around her neck that it could not be slipped over her head and had to be cut immediately. Adam was still able to catch her. They quickly showed her to me and rushed her over to the cleaning station and the NICU nurses were on her in a flash because she wasn't breathing. Adam said the timer went for 6 minutes before she cried and was breathing on her own. She had a 1 on the Apgar score (a zero is basically dead). All I remember was being completely exhausted (I had a fever of 103) and half drunk still from the Stadol. Everything was in slow motion for me as I just stared at the nurses working on Violet. No one was talking and I just knew she was dead. Adam and I were crying and it was the most bizarre moment of my life. Finally hearing her cry was the greatest feeling of relief! After everything settled and she was whisked away to the NICU for further monitoring, "How GreatThou Art" began playing on my playlist and I was filled with an incredible peace... so grateful that God so perfectly took care of us and our precious new baby throughout such a traumatic process. I am so grateful for the support of my Adam and my Mom as well as my fantastic nurses, Betsy and Jaime. I could not have done it without them!

So... this is why I sigh and pause when people say, "Tell me your birth story!".

Needless to say, Violet made quite the dramatic appearance and has not slowed down since! It has been amazing to see how much she changes even week by week. The first week was a complete zoo, just trying to figure out how to take care of her and meet her needs. I was a train wreck in so many ways. The second week was much the same. Feedings began to take on somewhat of a schedule but she was still quite a little firecracker of a baby. So many days I just wanted to scream, "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!" Motherhood did not feel like it was coming naturally to me. By the third week, we definitely had a predictable feed/sleep schedule going and I finally felt like I could somewhat anticipate what she needed. This past week has been SO MUCH BETTER! She sleeps so well (though I still greatly anticipate her sleeping through the night), she smiles and talks to me all of the time and has finally started to just relax and let me cuddle her instead of screaming! I love her little chipmunk sneezes and coughs and the perpetual hiccups. This has been a whirlwind experience and I cannot wait to watch her continue to grow and change and keep us guessing along the way!!

Our first moments together...

One Week

Two Weeks

Three Weeks

Four Weeks